As Employees Quit Their Jobs, Leaders ask,

“You mean I’m the one who has to change?!”

With the pandemic came one of the biggest disruptions in our physical workplace, company culture,  leadership and lives. The patterns we got stuck in were interrupted big time! We were forced to immediately replace old habits with new ones. In the process, we stopped, got off the “hamster wheel” of our busy lives, reflected and noticed what’s most important in our lives.

As companies put in guidelines so their employees can safely return to work in this new normal, people are quitting their jobs in what some are calling the “Great Resignation.”  According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS), in April 2021, a record all-time high of 4 million people quit their jobs. This equals a 2.7 percent rate of quit, which is the highest recorded since the BLS started collecting this data in 2000. With these resignations, comes a record high number of job openings – 9.3 million, according to the BLS. Today employees have the upper hand. The Great War for Talent is on!

Unless leaders have created a culture that people want to be a part of, they won’t attract the best talent. Unless they know how to engage them to bring out their best selves, people won’t experience purpose in the work they desire. Unless there’s a leadership path where their contributions are valued, where they feel a part of something greater than themselves, they won’t stay. Yes, this is what keeps your best talent today!

Executives and senior managers are befuddled at exit reviews, especially from young people. Here’s a few, shared with me from frustrated leaders who reached out for help.

• I don’t want to work nights and weekends!
• I’m changing my career. I found a company that values my talents, where I can work normal hours and spend time with my kids.
• All this company cares about is business development. They don’t care about the people.
• The beliefs of this company are not my beliefs.
• I can’t express my ideas here. When I do, the leaders don’t listen.
• This was never my ideal job. I want to find something I love doing.
• Working from home, I can be myself. But at work, I must be someone else. I need to find a company where I can be me!
• It’s time I retire so I can stop working so hard and enjoy my life.

These sentiments, I’m hearing way too often. People are crying out for a different kind of leader and company culture. They won’t put up with less. Many young people won’t work for Corporate America. Instead, they’re working independently or starting their own business. In 2020, independent workers’ wages and participation grew 33%. In fact, 41.1 million adults across ages, skill sets, and income levels are working independently as consultants, freelancers, contractors, and temporary or on-call workers in 2019. They are contributing $1.3 billion to the U.S. economy— or 6.2% of the US GDP.

Today, there’s a shortage of good talent which puts the burden on leaders and their people. Employees, burned out from carrying the load for too long are unhappy; senior management is frustrated because they can’t find talent with the kind of experience they need. They’re realizing they’ll have to develop good potential people into the best fit for the position. Millennials are ready to be those people. With over 56 million, they’re the largest generation in the U.S. labor force. Their workplace experience has an enormous impact on business outcomes. It turns out what matters to millennials, matters to all of us. They’re just the first generation taking a strong stand.

According to the Gallup study “How Millennials Want to Work and Live”, here’s how leaders must change their thinking.

What’s the path to go from the past to the present and into the future?  I’ve discovered over the last decade there are five LeaderShifts, leaders must make to thrive in this new normal, ones that especially resonate with millennials and Gen Zs. Bill, a client, and partner in a national firm is a great example of a leader who made the shifts. He’s inspiring his senior managers to not just meet their goals but to exceed them even in these challenging times.

From Control to CONNECT & RECEIVE

When the pandemic hit, Bill’s company had to let many employees go. Bill knew that this would increase the workload on his senior team. Thrown into uncertainty, with his people working virtually, he had to let go of controlling everything. Instead, he reached out and connected (how I feel when I’m with you) with each person because he truly cared. Setting up weekly individual calls, his conversations steered away from work to finding out how they were personally doing. He even kept a journal, so he’d remember what was most important to them. Happy to hear from him and feeling his compassion, they opened in ways that surprised him. The personal setting revealed more of their gifts, blind spots, patterns, fears. It helped him to receive who they were, so he better engaged and coached them to become the leaders they wanted and needed to be.

From Conformity to SEE & ACCEPT

To support them on their leadership journey, he individually coaches them on a path that honors the uniqueness of each individual. He sees and accepts all of who they are – gifts, blind spots, patterns. Through a Gift-Centered Approach, he helps them to discover and honor their own gifts; engages them in practices to turn blind spots into strengths, and shares self-observations so they’re aware of patterns that don’t support them and replaces them with ones that do. Knowing that Bill is a source of guidance and support, brings a sense of relief, motivating them with new energy to go the extra mile.

From Expectation to INTENTIONS

When the layoffs happened, instead of expecting his people to do the extra work, his intention was to immediately look at the situation unfolding and find every way he could to support them in being their best. He helped them see how their gifts could make a significant difference in the challenges they faced. He shared stories from his own transformational journey, opening them to new distinctions and ways of being in the world as a leader. Instead of expecting certain results based on his standards, he had the intention to support them to rise to their own highest standards.

Bill’s intention to observe and see their gifts; praise the gift even when seeing a glimpse of it being used makes his people feel highly valued for their contributions. Gift-Centered Praise is a powerful practice that is helping him to connect with his people virtually and through emails; reinforce the good by acknowledging their gifts. He’s noticing that it’s helping them feel valued; go the extra mile; find purpose in their work because they know their gifts are making a difference.

From Authority to AUTHENTICITY

During these challenging times, Bill finds himself taking more Walks in Beauty and doing other practices of appreciation, helping him to tap into his compassion, so he sees past his people’s actions and connects into the heart of who they are.

Although he’s in his compassionate heart more often, when one of his people acted without thinking of the long-term consequences, he got triggered into his authoritative attitude. “I found myself lecturing instead of being curious about the blind spots that were tripping her up and my unwanted patterns took over,” he told me. However, realizing what happened, he recentered, becoming grounded and present; then apologized to her. Through Gift-Centered language, he opened the conversation to discovering how their gifts triggered each other. Now, they discussed how they both could redirect their gifts, so they better serve the other. By being open and vulnerable, Bill is cultivating a culture where his people feel safe to be their authentic self and where he’s living into the kind of authentic leader he wants to be.

From Bottom-line Myopia to BELONGING

By making the LeaderShifts, Bill is creating a culture where people feel they belong. They’re inspired to go the extra mile and do whatever is needed to achieve the department’s goals. They are building a strong foundation in preparation for their next level of leadership.  Some are up for partner.

A month ago, Bill mentioned that as he has made these changes, these past two years have been the best years of his life. It was heartwarming to hear. At the beginning of his journey, his senior managers felt he was insensitive to their needs. Today, I’ve seen emails from these same people expressing their deep and heartfelt gratitude. In fact, other senior managers, who aren’t his direct reports want him to coach them. They’ve heard that “he’s the best!” By making the “shifts,” Bill is living into being the exceptional leader he always envisioned he could be.

Coaching Strategies with a Call to Action 

“Do not follow where the path may lead.
Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.”

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Re-centering (Practice)

 Purpose

• To bring you back into being present when you disconnect or go on automatic pilot.
• To bring you back to center when you get triggered by a situation or person and get off-center. Remember, it’s not about staying on center; it’s about coming back to center each time you’re triggered. This creates a new home base that your body gets comfortable with as its new normal.

How Often: Use this practice as needed during the day for a quick timeout to get grounded, connected, and centered. You can also use it when in conversations or meetings or when mildly triggered with a person or situation. This is not a practice to use when highly triggered. 

What to Do  

There are many ways to re-center. This is one my clients and I have found to be simple and effective. You can do this in front of people or in meetings with your eyes open.

• Sit in a chair with your back straight, your feet flat on the floor, and your hands hanging to your sides. Lift your hands and let them fall naturally on your thighs. Close your eyes or keep them open. Bring awareness to your belly or navel area.
• Exhale down through the center of your belly—near your navel—and down through your legs and into the earth.
• Inhale slowly through your belly and let the breath fill your entire body from your feet to the top of your head, down through your arms, and out the tips of your fingers.
• Repeat exhaling and inhaling in this way as many times as needed until you feel calm, grounded, and centered.
• Breathe normally.
• Now bring awareness to your feet, which are grounded on the floor. Keeping that awareness of your feet on the floor, also bring an awareness to the top or crown of your head.
• Keeping an awareness of your feet on the floor and the top of your head, slowly open your eyes, or if they are already open, simply continue in your state of centeredness.
• Move through the day in this new way of being—in a more calm, grounded, and centered way.

It’s important when you do any kind of meditation, that you take your new way of being into your day. Don’t do the meditation and then go back to your pattern of, say, moving quickly or in an ungrounded way. Take what you’ve established in your body, and from there do what you need to do. Notice how that feels compared to, say, rushing through everything.

Confronting Others through the Language of Gifts (Practice)

 Purpose

• To get out of right/wrong conversations when triggered by others and, instead, see the gift in bad behavior.
• To not punitively reprimand someone for their gift that is being used in an undesirable way and, instead, redirect the gift into a better path of supporting everyone involved.

 How Often: When having to confront someone whose actions (small or large) are perceived as bad behavior.

 What to Do

 Connect and Receive

• Connect into yourself by using any of the meditation or appreciation practices listed that help you to become calm, grounded, and centered. If you are highly triggered, take a day to cool off. When you are centered and grounded, ask, “What is the gift that is trying to come out?” If you see none, be open that it is there. This will help you to look through a filter of compassion, instead of judgment.
• Connect with the person and receive their message by talking in a neutral location (e.g. conference room, coffee shop, etc.) or better yet, taking a walk. It helps to sit or walk side by side. When you’re facing the person you’re having an issue with, there’s a feeling of confrontation. However, when you’re walking or sitting side by side and looking in the same direction, it physically sends the message “we’re facing the same challenge together.” It’s not me against you; it’s me with you. Note: In my experience, men generally respond better with walking; women with sitting. However, it’s important to pay attention to what each individual responds to.
• State the situation and its effect on you. Just state what you observed and the effect it had on you (without right/wrong judgment). Don’t pile on several similar situations; otherwise, people will feel attacked. Focus on one and open up to other instances if needed. See the example of one of my clients below.

Manager: Situation: “Trey, when we talked the other day and I asked if you met the deadline for VE, you mentioned that you did. Then I got a call from John [CEO of VE] upset that the project was a day late.”

Effect on You: “I didn’t know what to say. I told him that I’d look into it. So what happened?”

Trey: Well, you know VE. They’re always changing things at the last minute. But I was happy to do it for them, no problem. Then Megan came to me. She was in a bind. Our new software was giving her errors, and I knew what to do. So I wanted to help. When I got back to the project, I didn’t anticipate it taking so much time.

See the Gifts

No matter what the person’s response, it’s usually better not to address it directly. Why? Because you’re likely to get into a right/wrong conversation. Instead, go to the gifts. It almost always leads to talking about the person’s gifts, blind spots, and patterns. Use the gift as the portal to a different conversation of openness and learning.

Manager: Trey, you have many gifts. You have an innate desire to help others. You’re also flexible. You go with the flow of whatever comes your way. All these gifts are valuable in the work that you do with your team and with our clients. What happens is that you tend to overuse these gifts until they become your weakness. Do you know what I mean?

Notice how the manager asks questions. This engages others and gets them involved in their own development and growth.

Trey: No, not really.

Manager: Every gift has another side. It’s what we’re blind to. We get into tunnel vision, so we tend to see only one way of doing things. We’re blind to other ways of doing things. Like someone who has a gift of planning, the person sees the world through the lens of planning things. So they are blind to . . . you know what?

Trey: No.

Manager: It’s going with the flow. When things don’t go according to plan, a person with the gift of planning has a hard time going with the flow and changing directions. That’s your gift. So a person whose gift is going with the flow, as you do, has a hard time . . . do you know?

Trey: You mean, planning?

Manager: Yes. That’s what you’re blind to. It’s your blind spot. Trey, going with the flow is a great gift. You’re one of the most flexible people I know. That’s why I gave you VE. It’s just that when you overuse this gift, you are reactive to whatever comes your way, rather than have a plan to work from. When you plan ahead and organize your time, then you’ll know your priorities—the most important things you must do. Then it’s easier to tell others what you can and can’t do. Make sense?

Trey: I’ve always hated plans because then you’re stuck to that plan.

Manager: I understand. That’s why it’s great to have a plan and be flexible as you are; then, you can do both. If things change from your plan, you have the gift to change directions. But first, you need a plan because it gives you a direction for where you’re going.

Trey: I think I see what you’re saying.

Manager: Another one of your gifts is helping others. When we overuse this gift, we want to please others. Your desire to please others, however, blinds you to another way of doing things. What happens when you focus too much on helping others?

Trey: I don’t have enough time to do my work.

Manager: Yes. So you’re blind to leaving enough space to help yourself. However, when you focus on helping yourself, it’s easier to set boundaries. This allows you to push back and sometimes say no or direct others to find their own solutions, rather than you always coming to their rescue.

Trey: So you want me to give up my gifts?

Manager: Look, I’m not asking you to give up your gifts. I’m asking you to balance out both helping others and helping yourself, of going with the flow and planning. When you can do both; then your gift will have greater capacity. You’ll be able to do your projects on time and empower others to grow so they figure out other solutions, instead of just having you solve their problems.

Trey: But why do I have to do both? Isn’t doing one good enough? After all, I’ve gotten this far with these talents.

Manager: Yes. Those talents have served you well, especially when our department was smaller. There was more time for you to help others and still have time to make your deadlines because we didn’t have as many customers. But now that we’re a larger department with more employees and customers, you don’t have that kind of time. Trey, you keep trying the same things, and you’re not getting different results because things have changed. So don’t you think you need to try something different?

Create a Sawubona Culture

• Relate consequences of the individual’s actions: It’s usually good to start with the broader consequences of the person’s actions on themselves and on others.
• Redirect the person’s gift into a more supportive path: Help the individual learn, grow, and move forward without squashing their gift. Depending on the situation, this could lead to training, coaching, mentoring, a write-up, move into another position, firing, etc. With moments of tough love, it’s especially important to continue to speak from your heart.

Scenario 1: Leads to training, coaching, or mentoring

(Beginning stages of manager helping the employee)

Manager: Trey, I see a lot of potential in you. Do you understand how being late on your deadlines is impacting our team that depends on you to do your part, our clients in their business, our company, and me who believes in you? Most importantly, it’s impacting you. You are constantly staying late at work to finish projects and get them out on time. And many times, you’ve been late or had to ask the client for an extension.

Trey: But it’s hard to say no when people come to me asking for things, especially if I have the skills to help them out.

Manager: I understand. So, maybe mentoring could help you out. Do you know Peyton?

Trey: Yes. We used to work together.

Manager: Well her gifts are your blind spots. Peyton is a great planner and organizer. In fact, she’s been working on being flexible and going with the flow, which is your gift. She can mentor you in her gift of planning. Then it’ll be easier to let others know what you can and can’t do, especially when you have a plan for the week and know your priorities, as long as you work the plan.

Trey: Okay, I’ll talk with her. I’ll let her know why you suggested her mentoring me. [The company had a mentoring program in place so it was easier for Trey to be open.]

Manager: Tell her that we can arrange her schedule so she has time to work with you. I think she’ll be a great help since she used to work in your department. Besides, I think that Peyton can learn from you too.

Trey: Sounds like a plan. [Trey smiled.]

Manager: Let’s set up check-ins with Peyton, you, and me every week to see how you’re doing, so you can ask questions that will help you. We’re going to give you the help that you normally give to others. Can you think of anything else that would help you out?

Trey: Not really.

The manager redirected the gift and did not squash it. By giving Trey an opportunity to be mentored on his blind spots, he can build greater capacity with his gifts. In the end, both Trey and Peyton can learn from each other because each of their gifts is the other person’s blind spot.

Scenario 2: Leads to firing the person

(Employee not responding after months of supporting and working with the manager. Note: Previous steps—Connect and Receive, See the Gifts—might have a different flavor of conversation, but the core of what you do is the same.)

Manager: Trey, I see a lot of potential in you. This is why I invested in you by giving you training and mentoring in these areas for the past months. I even took time to coach you. Yet, you’re still missing deadlines. And you’ve fallen into a pattern of being dishonest with me, with others, and most importantly with yourself. This is in direct opposition to our core values. So what would you do if you were in my position, if you were the manager and I was you?

This is a great question because it puts the employee in the position of being the manager dealing with the situation.

Trey: I’m really trying.

Manager: Trey, trying is not going to cut it. We depend on you to do your part. It’s impacting our team, our clients in their business, our company, and me who believes in you. Most importantly, it’s impacting you. I never want to put someone in a position where he’s not motivated to thrive and be his best, especially when we’ve given him every opportunity to do so. When you say you want it yet time and time again you don’t take the necessary actions to achieve it, then it makes me think this is not the position that best suits your gifts and gives you purpose in your life. Otherwise, you’d find a way to accomplish your goals. I think it’s time for you to go out there and find something that you can be passionate about.

The above situation may lead to the manager giving Trey another chance because in firing him, the manager has created a shift in Trey. He wants to stay, not to just keep his job but also—and maybe more so—because he finds meaning and purpose in his work and in being part of the culture. So a next step might be asking him to come up with a radical plan that describes what he would do differently to support himself, his department, and the organization. Then the manager has Trey present that plan in a week to see if it’s radical enough. If not, the manager might let him go. If it is, then Trey implements it, having check-ins to see if he’s holding himself accountable to his plan.

Another possibility might be that Trey realizes his job doesn’t bring him the passion he needs to be motivated. His manager may help Trey hone in on his gifts so Trey can eventually find a job that he finds passion and meaning in doing. Sometimes you have to be willing to let someone go in order to create the shift for the person to change or to stop, reflect, and discover their full potential and path of purpose, even if it’s somewhere else.